o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o
o o
o --= FOR LOVE IS SPEECHLESS =-- o
o o
o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o
As soon as I wake up in the morning...
I think about Hank.
Hank has become the background of my Consciousness.
He has become a Presence.
I'm so used to Hank now...
that every other man is boredom.
Even if it is a hunk of a guy.
Hank is my Hunk!
Love is a funny thing.
There is no rhyme nor reason to it.
It's wild and schemeless.
The days at the clinic pass like a dream...
and there is no doubt that I am the dreamer.
Sometimes I catch myself making mistakes...
but it does not bother me anymore.
I've lost a lot of self-consciousness and inhibition...
and I'm happy... and loose like a child.
It feels good... the way I feel...
and it is impossible to put on paper.
I feel like myself... more than ever...
I am in a State of Grace... I feel light... and lovely.
Hank is forty years old...
and I am twenty three.
The difference doesn't bother me...
and as a matter of fact... I prefer it this way.
Men of my own age I find immature.
Their company bores me and I feel like a mother to them.
Hank on the other hand is an equal...
or another self to me.
He is a Friend... a Lover... a Brother...
a Mate... a Counselor... and a Soulmate.
Hank is my Man.
Hank is my Universe... and I feel exhilarated...
in his company.
My life was empty before... and dull.
Now it is Superb.
I am absolutely amazed that another person...
could make that much of a difference in my life.
It's kind of scary... but it's worth anything.
I'm so in Love... that I sometimes cry.
- - - - - - -
It's raining today...
and when I come around the corner and see the bus stop...
there seems to be a bit of a commotion.
People are huddled in a small group...
trying to keep dry under a huge umbrella.
Hank is in the middle.
He's holding the umbrella like a flag pole...
and he's talking about birds... I can hear his voice.
They never get wet he says... they're smart.
Nature has endowed them...
with a light coat of water repellent feathers.
All of them are like ducks.
You know... he says... Nature is a smart Caretaker.
Nature is the Garment of God.
When you think of all this... he says...
it makes you tingle inside.
It's impossible to figure it all out... it's too mysterious.
It's like Colour TV... hard to understand.
But it works perfectly.
With TV... you push a button and you're in Space...
you push again and you look into a cell.
The other day... I saw a picture of a firefly...
it looked beautiful and dangerous.
It was so big... it could have eaten an elephant.
Yah... he continued slowly...
TV is but a man-made machine...
but birds... or flowers... or people like you and I...
well... we're created by the Universe.
The Universe is living right within us...
and some people call this God.
The word God however... is too small a word...
it cannot possibly contain all the Miracles there are.
This Universal Force... sure baffles me.
The group is so engrossed in listening...
that I have joined them unnoticed.
I feel however...
that Hank knows that I am here.
He turns around... and says...
Muranda my dear... move a little closer.
You'll get wet out there.
Naturally everybody looks around... and I smile.
They all smile back at me... and I move in a bit.
Hank sticks out his long arm...
and I'm in the middle of the group.
Hank and I form the center of the wet faces...
and somehow we all stay dry.
We can hear the rain on the umbrella.
One lady looks at Hank... and says...
I wonder Sir... is that what you two always talk about?
I kind of liked your talk... it sure is interesting.
I wish my hubby could talk like that.
Well... Hank says... we all are different...
and that's what makes it... a worthwhile Universe...
thank you for listening.
And then the bus arrived...
everybody hops on... and Hank is folding up his tent.
He looks funny doing it...
and finally he gets it together.
Then he jumps on the bus.
I hang around in the front of the bus...
and Hank joins me to give me a wet umbrella hug.
We laugh about it... and we huddle close together...
right behind the driver.
You know Muranda... Hank says... I like people.
Years ago... I had trouble liking anyone.
Including myself.
As a matter of fact... Hank says...
since I fell in love with you... I love the World.
I have become a different person... more intense... yet free.
All this... because of beautiful You.
Thank you for being here.
I look at him... and my eyes are misty.
I put my arms around him and squeeze.
One day Muranda... he says...
one day I'm going to comb your hair.
Your hair is so beautiful that it stuns me.
Dark auburn hair... it's the most beautiful there is.
And your fair skin with freckles...
well... the whole thing... it's just too much.
You are the Beauty of God alive... and I love you.
I wipe the tears from Hank's face...
and stand as close as possible.
We do not speak anymore... FOR LOVE IS SPEECHLESS.
We enjoy the stopping and starting of the bus...
and once in a while I look up.
My eyes meet the Vibration of Love.
I feel Hank's Soul... it is playful... and daring...
but mostly I sense Love.
I feel full of Grace.
I think back...
and it seems that my life started...
when I realized that Hank and I were lovers.
Where was I before?
Who was living then?
Am I the same person... and what is Love?
Is Love a Power?
Somehow my life is new... each day.
New feelings to feel... new people to meet...
new children to love... and new Murandas to experience.
Life is a dream alright...
it's a happening... weird and wonderful ...
and I am a Silent Witness... feeling it.
I cannot understand it... for it is very mysterious...
but I know that it is perfect.
There is a voice in my Heart... that says...
yes... Muranda... you are this Mysterious Life...
and you will live forever and ever.
You cannot die.
You are God... as You.
When Hank leaves the bus... he kisses me.
His arms come all the way around me and squeeze.
Hank is a first class hugger... and it feels good.
Life is a Dream.
Hank is outside... and he waves.
I blow him a kiss.
I look for a seat and sit down...
I dream about Hank... and me... and Life.
Imagine... we all live forever.
Life is a Puzzle... and I am that Puzzle.
It's weird as hell.
Knowing that you will live forever feels very good.
Knowing that you are the Creator of your Life...
feels even better.
Muranda... you are Life...
Muranda... you are Love...
I smile because I am.
I am the Smile of God... Alive.
o o o o o o o
o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o
o o
o --= LIFE IS NOT... WHAT YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE =-- o
o o
o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o
Hank and I have great discussions...
and most of the time he is crystal clear.
But sometimes... well... I don't know...
I feel that I can't figure him out.
Not that I should be able to...
but yet I feel that there is something I seem to miss.
I even feel that he has a secret...
and that he does not want to share it.
Maybe... I feel this way...
because I have days that it rains inside.
I feel all mixed up and troubled.
I feel a burden to myself.
On days like these...
neither feeling nor thinking helps me out.
I feel depressed and I don't know why.
I don't know really how to put it into words...
but somehow the Mystery of Life bothers me.
I want to understand it all...
and I guess... because I don't...
I feel turmoil inside... I'm chewed to pieces.
I feel insufficient.
Naturally... this always happens when I'm all alone.
I feel shaky and weak... and listless.
And for me to feel shaky... is ridiculous...
I have a good job... enough money... and I am loved.
There are millions of people unemployed...
and millions are dying... what about them?
Why should I feel shaky and insecure?
Sometimes I even shiver a bit...
and then I think that I'm mentally unbalanced.
I just don't know what it is...
but when I'm in a mood like this...
I blame everything as the cause of it.
Maybe I think about Life too much... or of dying?
Maybe I expect too much of myself...
and therefore I feel disappointed?
Yeah... I sure wonder about Life a lot.
That's the way I am... kind of crazy... and stupid.
Why can't I just enjoy it?
Life really is crazy... isn't it?
The puzzle just gets bigger and bigger...
and sometimes it becomes a dark and stupid maze...
and it scares me.
I always end up crying... and I don't even know why.
I decided to talk to Hank about it...
because what I feel... or am inside...
Hank should know.
I feel that that is part of Loving.
The next time Hank and I talked...
I tried to express all these thoughts and feelings.
I tried to put them into words...
but I was not doing very well...
because it was difficult.
Hank listened for a while...
and then he started to speak.....
- - - - - - -
Muranda my Love... I know what's bothering you.
I went through it myself for many... many years.
And once in a while it just tears you down.
Life you see... is feeling up and down.
Life varies... Life varies a lot.
And since you are down once in a while...
you think that there is something to be fixed.
But when you're sky high...
you know that there is nothing wrong.
Life... is Variety... Life is Diversity.
Life is like a river... it flows.
It flows fast... and slow...
and sometimes there are rapids...
and other times... it hardly moves.
Sometimes the river is clear...
and you know... sometimes it is muddy...
and full of stinking animals.
All of it is the river...
and it all goes to the ocean.
It all will pass.
Well... Life is like the river... and the ocean.
Life is anything and everything you'll ever meet.
Life is the experience...
of the Good... the Bad... and the Indifferent.
LIFE IS NOT... WHAT YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE.
Life is... What is.
And only when you're not adversely affected anymore...
can you truly enjoy the Beauty and Divinity of Life.
Only then... will you be able to fully understand...
that Life is a Perfect or Divine...
Happening...
and seemingly is created from Chaos.
You see Muranda...
every Creature... and especially Man...
is influenced by what's going on around him in the world.
Not only are we affected by the visible actions...
but also by the Invisible or Psychic Activities.
These Psychic Activities or Forces...
are the combined affect of many sources.
The general Thought Patterns of Mankind in the World...
and the Influences from Planes beyond this World...
all combine and form the Forces that work on us.
And then there are the Influences of our Planetary System.
So... innumerable Forces effect us.
There are cycles within cycles... thousands of them...
and they all produce an up and down effect...
within the Feelings of Mankind.
These up and down Influences...
are the Forces of Existence that make us feel alive.
Living is having Feelings...
Living is being moved by Moods.
Living is an Alive and Feeling Process.
Living... is Feeling.
So... I would say...
the more you are being moved by Feelings...
the more you are Alive.
The more you feel... the more you live.
Naturally... sometimes... you feel Bad...
but other times you feel extremely Good.
The Good Feelings are easy to accept...
but the Bad ones are difficult to take.
This is what you have to learn to do.
That's what Life is all about.
You are this up and down... you are the Force of Life.
You see Muranda...
You and Life... are the same Thing.
You are living... the Life You Are...
in your own Individual Way.
For Life... is an Individual Thing.
Life and You Are One.
And then... somehow... you want to explain Life.
You want to explain to yourself the very Life you are.
This is not possible.
Life is the Greatest Mystery there is...
and at the same time it is the biggest Joke.
It's a Joke on Ourselves.
We are the Question and the Answer
all wrapped up in an Infinite Roar of Laughter.
You should remember...
that when you feel blue or depressed...
like I used to be quite often...
you have allowed yourself to be influenced by your Mind.
The Mind... or Ego Consciousness...
somehow... always wants to solve the Impossible.
The Mystery of Life
is a Mystery
and it is not supposed to be solved.
Life... is to learn to appreciate Life.
Life is a Feeling Thing.
Trying to understand Life...
is like trying to analyze Food instead of eating it.
Trying to understand Life...
or trying to know it...
is a Thing of the Mind.
Life is not a Mind-Thing.
Life is Pure Feeling.
Life is what produces Mind.
So... since Life produces Mind... or creates it...
how could Mind ever solve what Life is?
It's like a Poem... trying to figure out the Poet.
The Mind is a Gadget that's created by Life... and naturally...
Life is a lot bigger than any Gadget.
Life is a Thing of the Heart... the Soul... or the God You Are.
The Human Mind as such...
is an Instrument to the Feeling Human Being.
However... many Human Minds become dominant...
and the Human Being suffers confusion because of its Leader.
The Mind is a Tool... like the Body is...
and actually the Body and Mind are One.
The Body-Mind is a temporary expression of the Soul Entity...
in order to experience Creation.
The Body-Mind or Ego-Entity is what we think we are.
To get rid of this Body-Mind-Entity eventually...
is necessary...
in order to clear the road Home.
The Body-Mind is a Finite and Contracted Version or Aspect...
of the Infinite Being we are...
and it is a Pretending-Nothingness that thinks it is Alive.
We are God... pretending to be a Separate Entity.
We are God... lost in its Creation.
Anyway Muranda...
to come back to your inner confusion...
never try to fit Life... into your Mind.
But let your Feeling Heart...
adjust itself to Life and embrace it.
Life in the Physical as a Human Being...
is the Celebration of God living in its Creation.
Be this God... in your Heart.
So... whatever you experience...
always remember that all things will change and pass...
and that all your experiences are needed...
to awaken the You in You.
If you ever feel sad or disheartened again...
it all will pass.
And if you ever want to talk...
I will listen and try to help.
For I love you!
o o o o o o o
o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o
o o
o --= THOUGHTS... ARE GOD AT WORK =-- o
o o
o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o
The next morning early...
I leave my basement suite... and who is there?
A gentleman called... Hank.
He is dressed in one of his new suits...
and he sure looks good.
To think that Hank ever wore bags...
certainly stretches the imagination.
We smile from ear to ear...
and then we embrace...
it took about an hour.
I lost all sense of time...
and you know... I was high as Heaven.
Slowly we walk to the bus stop... entangled.
People are looking... but we don't care.
Before too long we start to talk.
I said... you know Hank...
why is the world so beautiful...
when you're in Love?
And here goes Hank.....
- - - - - - -
Well Muranda... when you're in Love...
you've reached a State of Grace... that is Love.
Your State of Love then...
projects onto the world around you...
the Beauty you are inside.
In other words...
you have become a Being filled with Love.
A Being closer to God.
You see the world then...
as if you see it through the Eyes of God.
The Eyes of God only see Beauty... Goodness... and Splendor.
So... if you are able to stay in that State of Grace forever...
you've reached a State that's called Heaven.
To be in Love with the world...
as if it were a single person...
is measuring onto yourself...
a State of Grace as big as the world.
In this State of Grace...
every Human Being you see is Beautiful.
Everything you see then is the Beauty of God.
If God could see
that's the way God would see it.
To learn to see and understand...
as God would see and understand...
is experiencing that the world... just as it is... is Perfect.
You see... Muranda... God is the World.
God is the World... God is Man.
So... the World... just as it is...
including every war or monstrosity...
is perfect...
for it is God in Action.
The World is the Perfect School for Human Beings...
to become Enlightened Beings.
To become God.
God and Man...
are like Left and Right...
or like High and Low.
The One cannot exist without the Other.
God is... because of Man... and Man is... because of God.
The One creates the Other.
God and Man... are Images of Each Other.
Man however... is not just this Creature on Earth.
Man is Universal... and Man appears in many varieties.
Visible as well as Invisible.
To learn to see with the Eyes of God is our Task or Lesson.
This becoming however is not something...
that only takes place in Time and Space.
Time and Space are aspects of our Mind...
they are the Relative Realities of our Dream...
while God is The Reality of the Here and Now.
In the Here and Now... all Things already exist.
All we as Human Beings really have to do...
is to enjoy the world at large... just the way it is.
The World is God... so enjoy it... Now.
And whatever we find wrong in this world...
we find wrong... because of the way we look at it.
Our view is distorted!
Our view is impaired because we are not fully Aware.
We as Human Beings have not learned... as yet...
to clearly see... and understand our Creation.
Human Beings see the world...
and all the things that are happening...
through a Distorted Lens.
This Distorted Lens...
is...
the Screen of Limitation of our Personal Mind.
Our Understanding of Life is limited...
and the way we see things therefore is False.
We do not see them Crystal Clear.
To see things the Human Way... is... incorrect.
We are limited... deluded...
and our View of Life is Partial and Fuzzy.
To grow into Crystal Clear Super Human Beings... or Christs...
is the Purpose of Living on this Earth.
And All of Us just might want to come back...
until we have completed that Task.
The Earth... and all other inhabited Planets...
are the Training Grounds for Semi-Conscious Beings.
The more Conscious or Aware we become...
the clearer we are able to see what we are all about.
The converting of Unconsciousness into Consciousness...
is the Great Scheme we are working on... Life in... Life out.
We are Breeders of Consciousness.
To be a Breeder of Consciousness...
is a painstaking affair... as we can see all around us.
The happenings in the world at first glance...
seem to be slanted toward a perfect disaster.
This first glance however...
is the glance of a semi-aware Being...
or an ordinary guy.
In his view... he is perfectly right...
for he does not see the Total Picture.
He only sees a small portion of the Total...
and this small portion is badly distorted...
by his personal State of Mind.
He only sees...
whatever his Screen of Limitation or his Personal Mind...
is able to let through to him.
The ordinary guy... and the billions like him...
only see the Mess they have created.
This Messy World that has manifested itself...
is the Actualization of Thought or neglect of Thought...
of the Ordinary Guy.
Since... this Ordinary Guy is an apprentice Creator...
it is no wonder that things are a bit wacky.
So... the world is exactly as it should be...
according to the Level of Creatorship at work.
If the World was Perfect...
- in the view of an Imperfect Creator -
this Imperfect Creator would probably quit working...
and stay imperfect forever.
Only by experiencing our Creation first-hand...
can we learn to improve ourselves.
You see Muranda...
Thoughts are Things.
And sooner or later... Thoughts become Reality...
in the Plane they have been issued.
Thoughts and Ideas... create... What is.
THOUGHTS... ARE GOD AT WORK.
Thought and Ideas...
are the Action of the Power of God in Man...
and this Action creates the World and its Activities...
according to the Thoughts issued.
We as Man then... we as God in Action...
have created what we see around us.
We are responsible.
We create by using the Force of God within us...
and our World is the Mirror of our Creative Abilities.
Our Creation is our Image...
Universally as well as Individually.
Creation is the Perfect Image of the Creator We Are.
o o o o o o o o o o o o o
o o
o CREATION o
o o
o THE o
o PERFECT MIRROR o
o o
o o o o o o o o o o o o o
Since we are Learning Creators...
our World still reflects imperfection...
because we create according to our creative abilities.
It's the best we can do.
Once we as Human Beings...
reach the State of the Christ Consciousness...
our Screen of Limitation will disappear.
At that Stage we are equal to the Father.
At the Level of the Christ Consciousness...
we will see the World with the Eye of God.
All Things then... are Divine or Perfect.
We will understand then...
that all these billions of Guys and Dolls in our World...
are Learning Creators in Progression.
Then... we will be Love... projecting Love.
The Soul cannot reach this State of Love...
or the Permanent State of Grace overnight.
We all slowly evolve by living lives... or dreaming our Dreams.
It takes many Lifetimes... or Incarnations...
for the Soul to be able to manifest...
the Permanent State of Love in a Human Form.
By means of the Human Being we are... the Soul learns...
how to manifest this State of Love in the Earth Plane.
You and I are our Soul at work...
and our Advancement or our Progress...
depends on our Efforts.
By listening to the Voice Within...
You and I...
are able to facilitate our Soul and ease it along.
So... we as a Personality or as a Human being...
should never buck progress by listening carelessly...
or shuck it off as religious nonsense.
Anyway my Love...
you and I have nothing to worry about...
for we are right in tune with our Soul.
By living in harmony with ourselves...
by working... by talking... by kissing...
by loving... or whatever...
we progress towards the God we are.
Whatever we do though...
we should do it with Love and Understanding...
knowing that we are the Almighty God and Creator...
in the Form of Man.
Living this way...
we can't help but arrive.
Yet... sometimes... it might seem...
that Life as a Human Being and Life as a Soul...
are two different things.
However... this is not so...
for the Two are One Being... and it is but One Activity.
You see...
by living different lives as different Personalities...
we sometimes get mixed up because of Time.
We think we live different Lives at different Times.
This is not so...
for all our Lives are Dreams...
and Time and Space as well as the World...
is the Environment in which we perform in our Dreams.
Each Lifetime is like a different Movie...
in which we are the main Personality or Actor.
The Actor experiences each Lifetime as Real.
The Movie is our Dream...
and the Experiences we have as the Actor...
are the Lessons we are learning.
In actuality...
there is but One Infinite Life.
This One Infinite Life is seemingly divided...
into different Lifetimes or Dreams.
Truly Muranda...
the whole thing is difficult to understand...
for Time as well as Space... are Aspects of our Mind.
Or the Scenery of... and in our Dreams.
Time and Space are the Phenomena...
that are needed and are created by the Physical Entity...
in order to live in an Aspect of Mind...
we call Physical Reality.
Without our Physical Body...
without the Generator of Time and Space...
we live beyond...
the Limitations of Physical Reality.
The Reality we experience after we leave our Body...
resembles what we experience in our Dreams...
as a Human Being.
Anyway Muranda... to come back...
to what you experience when you are in Love...
is caused by the higher level of your Vibrations.
The more in Love you are... the faster your Vibrations...
and the more Beautiful the World.
Just make sure you don't take off on me!
For me... being in Love...
is like living in a Miracle World...
for all things have changed...
and Life has become the Experience of Heaven.
In order to celebrate this Miracle...
let's be together this Saturday...
and reap the Benefits of two Gods in Love.
I silently nodded my head...
and Hank kissed me and left the bus.
I waved to him... and there he went...
whistling and bouncing.
Then he looked back again...
and I knew that he was crying...
for he used his hanky to wipe his eyes.
- - - - - - -
At home that night...
I felt that by loving Hank...
I had entered into Infinity...
and I loved every minute of it.
And wherever I looked... Love was surrounding me.
I wondered whether it was really possible...
to deserve to love someone so beautiful...
so profoundly.
I sort of shook my head inside...
and figured... yes it is... for I am God.
And then I thought...
Muranda... you are but a Fraction of your Soul.
I concluded that I am both.
The Paradox of Life tells me...
that I must be both...
because it's impossible to be only one.
Then... I thought about Hank again...
and I decided to put my Mind in neutral...
every time I was with him.
Because Love is an affair of the Heart.
And in no way do I want the nagging jealousy of my Mind...
to overrule my Heart.
Yeah... this Hank... he is an authentic Individual.
That's why I love him.
o o o o o o o