Excerpt from:
The Near-Death Experience: A Reader (Bailey & Yates)


MELLON THOMAS BENEDICT'S account of his EXPERIENCE THROUGH THE LIGHT

THE LIGHT OF GOD: I remember waking up one morning at home about 4:30 a.m., 
and I just knew that this was it. This was the day I was going to die. So I 
called a few friends and said good-bye. I woke up my hospice caretaker and 
told her. I had a private agreement with her that she would leave my dead 
body alone for six hours, since I had read that all kinds of interesting 
things happen when you die. I went back to sleep.

The next thing I remember is the beginning of a typical near-death 
experience. Suddenly I was fully aware, and I was standing up, but my body 
was in the bed. There was this darkness around me. Being out of my body was 
even more vivid than ordinary experience. It was so vivid that I could see 
every room in the house, I could see the top of the house, I could see 
around the house, I could see under the house.

There was this Light shining. I turned toward the Light. The Light was very 
similar to what many other people have described in their near-death 
experiences. It was so magnificent. It is tangible; you can feel it. It is 
alluring; you want to go to it like you would want to go to your ideal 
mother's or father's arms. As I began to move toward the Light, I knew 
intuitively that if I went to the Light, I would be dead.

So as I was moving toward the Light I said, "Please wait a minute, just hold 
on a second here. I want to think about this; I would like to talk to you 
before I go." To my surprise, the entire experience halted at that point. 
You are, indeed, in control of your near-death experience. You are not on a 
roller coaster ride. So my request was honored, and I had some conversations 
with the Light. The Light kept changing into different figures, like Jesus, 
Buddha, Krishna, mandalas, archetypal images and signs. I asked the Light, 
"What is going on here? Please, Light, clarify yourself for me. I really 
want to know the reality of the situation." I cannot really say the exact 
words, because it was sort of telepathy.

The Light responded. The information transferred to me was that your beliefs 
shape the kind of feedback you will get from the Light. If you were a 
Buddhist or Catholic or Fundamentalist, you get a feedback loop of your own 
stuff. You have a chance to look at it and examine it, but most people do 
not. As the Light revealed itself to me, I became aware that what I was 
really seeing was our Higher Self matrix.

The only thing I can tell you is that it turned into a matrix, a mandala of 
human souls, and what I saw was that what we call our Higher Self in each of 
us is a matrix. It's also a conduit to the Source; each one of us comes 
directly as a direct experience from the Source. We all have a Higher Self 
or an oversoul part of our being. It revealed itself to me in its truest 
energy form. The only way I can really describe it is that the being of the 
Higher Self is more like a conduit. It did not look like that, but it is a 
direct connection to the Source each and every one of us has. We are 
directly connected to the Source.

So the Light was showing me the Higher Self matrix. And it became very clear 
to me that all the Higher Selves are connected as one being. All humans are 
connected as one being. We are actually different aspects of the same being. 
It was not committed to one particular religion. So that is what was being 
fed back to me. And I saw this mandala of human souls. It was the most 
beautiful thing I have ever seen. I just went into it and, it was just 
overwhelming. It was like all the love you've ever wanted, and it was the 
kind of love that cures, heals, regenerates.

As I asked the Light to keep explaining, I understood what the Higher Self 
matrix is. We have a grid around the planet where all the Higher Selves are 
connected. This is like a great company, a next subtle level of energy 
around us, the spirit level, you might say. Then, after a couple of minutes, 
I asked for more clarification. I really wanted to know what the universe is 
about, and I was ready to go at that time. I said "I am ready, take me." 
Then the Light turned into the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen: a 
mandala of human souls on this planet.

Now I came to this with my negative view of what was happening on the 
planet. So as I asked the light to keep clarifying for me, I saw in this 
magnificent mandala how beautiful we all are in our essence, our core. We 
are the most beautiful creations. The human soul, the human matrix that we 
all make together is absolutely fantastic, elegant, exotic, everything. I 
just cannot say enough about how it changed my opinion of human beings in 
that instant.

I said, "Oh, God, I did not know how beautiful we are." At any level, high 
or low, in whatever shape you are in, you are the most beautiful creation, 
you are. I was astonished to find that there was no evil in any soul. I said 
"How can this be?" The answer was that no soul was inherently evil. The 
terrible things that happened to people might make them do evil things, but 
their souls were not evil. What all people seek, what sustains them, is 
love, the Light told me. What distorts people is a lack of love.

The revelations coming from the Light seemed to go on and on. Then I asked 
the Light, "Does this mean that humankind will be saved?" Then, like a 
trumpet blast with a shower of spiraling lights, the Great Light spoke, 
saying, "Remember this and never forget; you save, redeem and heal  
yourself. You always have. You always will. You were created with the 
power to do so from before the beginning of the world."

In that instant, I realized even more. I realized that WE HAVE ALREADY BEEN 
SAVED, and we saved ourselves because we were designed to self-correct like 
the rest of God's universe. This is what the second coming is about. I 
thanked the Light of God with all my heart. The best thing I could come up 
with was these simple words of totally appreciation: "Oh dear God, 
dear Universe, dear Great Self, I love my Life."

The Light seemed to breathe me in even more deeply. It was as if the Light 
was completely absorbing me. The Love Light is, to this day, indescribable. 
I entered into another realm, more profound than the last and became aware 
of something more, much more. It was an enormous stream of Light, vast and 
full, deep in the Heart of Life. I asked what this was.

The Light responded, "This is the RIVER OF LIFE. Drink of this manna water 
to your heart's content." So I did. I took one big drink and then another. 
To drink of Life Itself! I was in ecstasy.

Then the Light said, "You have a desire." The Light knew all about me, 
everything past, present and future.

"Yes!" I whispered.

I asked to see the rest of the Universe; beyond our solar system, beyond all 
human illusion. The Light then told me that I could go with the Stream. I 
did and was carried through the Light at the end of the tunnel. I felt and 
heard a series of very soft sonic booms. What a rush!

THE VOID OF NOTHINGNESS: Suddenly I seemed to be rocketing away from the 
planet on this stream of Life. I saw the earth fly away. The solar system in 
all its splendor whizzed by and disappeared. At faster than light speed, I 
flew through the center of the galaxy, absorbing more knowledge as I went. I 
learned that this galaxy and all of the Universe is bursting with many 
different varieties of LIFE. I saw many worlds. The good news is that we 
are not alone in this Universe!

As I rode this stream of consciousness through the center of the galaxy, the 
stream was expanding in awesome fractal waves of energy. The super clusters 
of galaxies with all their ancient wisdom flew by. At first I thought I was 
going somewhere; actually traveling. But then I realized that, as the stream 
was expanding, my own consciousness was also expanding to take in everything 
in the Universe! All creation passed by me. It was an unimaginable wonder! 
I truly was a Wonder Child, a babe in Wonderland!

It seemed as if all the creations in the Universe soared by me and vanished 
in a speck of Light. Almost immediately, a second Light appeared. It came 
from all sides and was so different; it was a Light made up of more than 
every frequency in the Universe. I felt and heard several velvety sonic 
booms again. My consciousness, or being, was expanding to interface with 
the entire Holographic Universe and more.

As I passed into the second Light, the awareness came to me that I had just 
transcended the Truth. Those are the best words I have for it, but I will 
try to explain. As I passed into the second Light, I expanded beyond the 
First Light. I found myself in a profound stillness, beyond all silence. I 
could see or perceive FOREVER, beyond Infinity.

I was in the Void.

I was in pre-creation, before the Big Bang. I had crossed over the beginning 
of time--the First Word--the First vibration. I was in the Eye of Creation. 
I felt as if I was touching the Face of God. It was not a religious feeling. 
I was simply at one with Absolute Life and Consciousness.

When I say that I could see or perceive forever, I mean that I could 
experience all of creation generating itself. It was without beginning and 
without end. That's a mind-expanding thought, isn't it? Scientists perceive 
the Big Bang as a single event which created the Universe. I saw that the 
Big Bang is only one of an infinite number of Big Bangs creating Universes 
endlessly and simultaneously. The only images that even come close in human 
terms would be those created by supercomputers using fractal geometry 
equations.

The ancients knew of this. They said Godhead periodically created new 
Universes by breathing out and de-creating other Universes by breathing in. 
These epochs were called Yugas. Modern science called this the Big Bang. I 
was in absolute, pure consciousness. I could see or perceive all the Big 
Bangs or Yugas creating and de-creating themselves. Instantly I entered into 
them all simultaneously. I saw explain this. I am still speechless about this.

It took me years after I returned to assimilate any words at all for the 
Void experience. I can tell you this now: the Void is less than nothing yet 
more than everything that is! The Void is absolute zero. It is chaos forming 
all possibilities. It is Absolute Consciousness, much more than even 
Universal Intelligence.

Where is the Void? I know. The Void is inside and outside everything. You, 
right now, even while you live, are always inside and outside the Void 
simultaneously. You don't have to go anywhere or die to get there. The Void 
is the vacuum or nothingness between all physical manifestations. It is the 
SPACE between atoms and their components.

Modern science has begun to study this space between everything. They call 
it Zero-point. Whenever they try to measure it, their instruments go off the 
scale or to infinity, so to speak. They have no way, as of yet, to measure 
infinity accurately. There is more of the zero space in your own body and 
the Universe than anything else! What mystics call the Void is not a void. 
It is so full of energy, a different kind of energy that has created 
everything that we are. Everything since the Big Bang is vibration, from the 
first Word, which is the first vibration. The biblical "I AM" really has a 
question mark after it. "I AM--What am I?"

So creation is God exploring God's Self through every way imaginable, in an 
ongoing, infinite exploration through every one of us. Through every piece 
of hair on your head, through every leaf on every tree, through every atom, 
God is exploring God's Self, the great "I AM".  I began to see that 
everything that is, is the Self, literally, your Self, my Self. Everything 
is the great Self. That is why God knows even when a leaf falls. That is 
possible because wherever you are is the center of the universe. Wherever 
any atom is, that is the center of the universe. There is God in that and 
God in the Void.

As I was exploring the Void and all the Yugas or creations, I was completely 
out of time and space as we know it. In this expanded state I discovered 
that creation is about Absolute Pure Consciousness, or God, coming into the 
Experience of Life as we know it. The Void itself is devoid of experience. 
It is pre-life, before the first vibration Godhead is about more than Life 
and Death. Therefore there is even more than Life and Death to experience in 
the Universe!

I was in the Void, and I was aware of everything that had ever been created. 
It was like I was looking out of God's eyes. I had become God. Suddenly I 
wasn't me anymore. The only thing I can say is, I was looking out of God's 
eyes. And suddenly I knew why every atom was, and I could see everything. 
The interesting point was that I went into the Void, I came back with this 
understanding that God is not there. God is here. That's what it is all about.

So this constant search of the human race to go out and find God is 
unnecessary. God gave everything to us, everything is here - this is where 
it's at. And what we are into now is God's exploration of God through us. 
People are so busy trying to become God that they ought to realize that we 
are already God, and God is becoming us. That's what it is really about.

When I realized this, I was finished with the Void and wanted to return to 
this creation or Yuga. It just seemed like the natural thing to do. Then I 
suddenly came back through the second Light, or the Big Bang, hearing 
several more velvet booms. I rode the stream of consciousness back through 
all of creation, and what a ride it was! The super clusters of galaxies 
came through me with even more insights.

I passed through the center of our galaxy, which is a black hole. Black 
holes are the great processors or recyclers of the Universe. Do you know 
what is on the other side of a Black Hole? We are - our galaxy, which has 
been reprocessed from another Universe. In its total energy configuration, 
the galaxy looked like a fantastic city of lights. All energy this side of 
the Big Bang is Light. Every sub-atom, atom, star, planet, even consciousness 
itself is made of light and has a frequency and/or particle. Light is living 
stuff. Everything is made of light, even stones. So everything is alive. 
Everything is made from the Light of God; everything is very intelligent.

THE LIGHT OF LOVE: As I rode the stream on and on, I could eventually see a 
huge Light coming. I knew it was the First Light; the Higher Self Light 
Matrix of our solar system. Then the entire solar system appeared in the 
Light, accompanied by one of those velvet booms. I saw that the solar system 
we live in is our larger, local body. This is our local body and we are much 
bigger than we imagine. I saw that the solar system is our body. I am a part 
of this, and the earth is this great created being that we are, and we are 
the part of it that knows that it is. But we are only that part of it. We 
are not everything, but we are that part of it that knows that it is.

I could see all the energy that this solar system generates and it is an 
incredible light show! I could hear the Music of the Spheres. Our solar 
system, as do all celestial bodies, generates a unique matrix of light,sound 
and vibratory energies. Advanced civilizations from other star systems can 
spot life as we know it in the universe by the vibratory or energy matrix 
imprint. It is child's play. The earth's Wonder Child (human beings) makes 
an abundance of sound right now, like children playing in the backyard of 
the universe.

I rode the stream directly into the center of the Light. I felt embraced by 
the Light as it took me in with its breath again, followed by another soft 
sonic boom. I was in this great Light of Love with the stream of life flowing 
through me. I have to say again, it is the most loving, non-judgmental Light. 
It is the ideal parent for this Wonder Child.

"What now?" I wondered.

The Light explained to me that there is no death; we are immortal beings. We 
have already been alive forever!  I realized that we are part of a natural 
living system that recycles itself endlessly. I was never told that I had to 
come back. I just knew that I would. It was only natural, from what I had seen.

I don't know how long I was with the Light, in human time. But there came a 
moment when I realized that all my questions had been answered, and my 
return was near. When I say that all my questions were answered on the other 
side, I mean to say just that. All my questions have been answered.

Every human has a different life and set of questions to explore. Some of 
our questions are Universal, but each of us is exploring this thing we call 
Life in our own unique way. So is every other form of life, from mountains 
to every leaf on every tree. And that is very important to the rest of us in 
this Universe because it all contributes to the Big Picture, the fullness of 
Life. We are literally God exploring God's Self in an infinite Dance of Life. 
Your uniqueness enhances all of Life.

HIS RETURN TO EARTH: As I began my return to the life cycle, it never 
crossed my mind, nor was I told, that I would return to the same body. It 
just did not matter. I had complete trust in the Light and the Life process. 
As the stream merged with the great Light, I asked never to forget the 
revelations and the feelings of what I had learned on the other side. There 
was a "Yes", It felt like a kiss to my soul. 

Then I was taken back through the Light into the vibratory realm again. The 
whole process reversed with even more information being given to me. I came 
back home, and I was given lessons on the mechanics of reincarnation. I was 
given answers to all those little questions I had: "How does this work? How 
does that work?" I knew that I would be reincarnated. The earth is a great 
processor of energy, and individual consciousness evolves out of that into 
each one of us.

I thought of myself as a human for the first time and I was happy to be 
that. From what I have seen, I would be happy to be an atom in this 
universe. An atom. So to be the human part of God ... this is the most 
fantastic blessing. It is a blessing beyond our wildest estimation of what 
blessing can be. For each and every one of us to be the human part of this 
experience is awesome and magnificent. Each and every one of us, no matter 
where we are, screwed up or not, is a blessing to the planet, right where 
we are.

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